Here is just one small example of control, deceit, and violation of trust. When my grandmother died I was told my Aunt M and Aunt W (mother’s two sisters) did not love their mother, hence reason they did not attend their mother’s funeral.
Only within the past 5 years (37 years later) did I find out my mother wrote a note and called my aunts telling them the funeral was at 2:00 p.m. When they arrived with my cousins at 2:00 p.m. the funeral was over. The funeral was at 10:00 am. Who do you trust when your parents are manipulative and deceitful? This is beyond believing that parents are not perfect but children learn to trust even the most deceitful parents!
As I mentioned, this is ONE example. It’s sad many people witnessed things but also feared for their lives so they did not intervene. There were lawsuits among siblings in this situation, and counter-lawsuits. That is another story, but only one minor situation. Are you bored yet with this post? I’m leading up to how healthcare professionals were manipulated in 2007, that included criminal acts. I’m choosing to provide some background first.
Anyway, my spiritual upbringing began as a toddler. All five children attended church and Sunday school weekly. Perfect attendance was not an option, it was mandatory. Perfect attendance every where we went: church, school, girl scouts, and so on. We all received a prayer book with our names engraved for 10 years perfect church attendance. That remains a cherished item years later. Perfection was expected.
My mother was a stay-at-home mom, active PTA (Parent Teacher’s Association) mom at school, suffered a chronic heart condition, and certainly many undiagnosed conditions. She was likable and active person in many groups and clubs, but vindictive. My father was a friendly hard working man. He worked full-time on the railroad and part-time as a taxi cab driver. He was rarely home. Love and trust were confusing. What is love and what is trust?
My mother passed away June 11, 1987 at the age of 56 of massive cerebral hemorrhaging. My father remarried in 1994. My dad passed away September 21, 2011 at the age of 83 from Dementia, Alzheimer’s, and also diagnosed in 2007 with Stockholm’s Syndrome. He was diagnosed with all three conditions.
No autopsy or biopsy was done upon death, hence an inability to confirm Alzheimer’s Disease. Alzheimer’s Disease can only be confirmed by brain biopsy upon death. NO Alzheimer’s disease behaviors were ever witnessed by healthcare professionals (myself included) and others in the immediate family who spent 24/7, weeks on end in our homes. There were many deliberate behaviors documented and observed. This makes it very difficult for all those souls with such a devastating disease.
In his final 4 years he became selectively mute. He simply chose not to speak. In 2007 it was documented in the police report he stated: “I can’t say anything because it will get me in trouble.” This statement was witnessed by several. This comment and his reactions and inactions validates the diagnosis of Stockholm’s. The next four years he did not hold any conversations.
My father and his spouse were likable people. That’s where the problem is! People are easily persuaded by behaviors of narcissists, psychopaths, sociopaths, and other types of personality disorders. My father was an intelligent man. He excelled in all his educational classes in his younger years. As my Uncle A has said, and Aunt M continue reminding me he was “extremely bright in mathematics and scholarly things, but failed in all relationships!”
I realize some people are extremely vindictive, critical and thrive on emotional harm and control. They rear their ugly heads especially when they are influenced by others. I’ve been blessed with my inner strength along with some amazing friends and some family.
I only wish I distanced myself and protected my family from these people and those persuaded by them many years earlier. I thought I could fix the problem. This is NOT a fixable problem. Mending these problems only provokes further abusive relationships, because that’s just a “patch” that gets frayed at the edges creating further problems. Remember there is NO fixing a narcissist, psychopath sociopath and other personality disorders, unless it’s years of daily therapy You simply cannot fix someone else or their problems. I’ve been a rescuer and I will not rescue any longer.
We’ve gotten through this together. Others, I’ve left behind but not before significant harm done. When one is dealing with brain injury who do they believe? There is an immense amount of crap that survivors and families deal with. It seems like no matter what a brain injury survivor says, another’s voice is heard, regardless of how wrong they are. So, we’re dealing with an invisible injury along with a voice that is silenced.
It doesn’t make a difference of what is communicated because it’s believed that person doesn’t know what they are talking about. Most people with brain injuries compensate in a way they record nearly everything: cameras, tape-recorders, and documentation. Whatever a spouse or family member communicates is believed to be correct. That is a scary situation in our healthcare system especially since there are millions with brain injury and brain dysfunction and those of the aging population!
It is time they listen and believe those with traumatic brain injury. There is NO reason NOT to believe. It simply takes more time to listen closely, as the wrong words may be used and the message is harder to follow. All the same, the message is there. We don’t need interpreters. We need listeners.