20 Nov

Please read this about Post-Diagnostic grief response. I believe everyone can relate to this in the midst of trying to get a proper diagnosis and treatment. Explore this site at there are so many great articles that relate to chronic illness, brain dysfunctions of various degrees and TBI. Let me know what you think? What is helpful?

ADD . . . and-so-much-more

Remember – links on this site are dark grey to reduce distraction potential
while you’re reading. They turnredon mouseover.

Exploring the Post-Diagnostic Grief Response 

(c) Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC
Part of the Grief & Diagnosis Series – all rights reserved

Question: What do the following expressions
have in common?

  • “Oh thank goodness!  Now I can have a life!”
  • “You think I have what?” “Why didn’t they find this out before?”
  • “Why my child?” 
  • “He’s a perfectly normal BOY! Why do they have to pathologize everything?”
  • “I don’t need medication, I just need to try harder now that I know what I’m dealing with.”
  • “Those @#$% doctors don’t know anything!”
  • “If only I’d known this earlier, my life would have been completely different!”
  • Tell my boss?  Are you nuts?”

View original post 2,191 more words


21 responses to “

  1. Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, MCC, SCAC

    November 20, 2012 at 11:19 am

    Thanks for the reblog. Nice surprise!

    I came here to check a resource to give to a new LinkedIn colleague with a question about linking school performance to brain fitness. I want to include brain trauma in my answer, and you da’ man where THAT’s concerned, IMHO! (btw – have you checked my TBI links lately? right column – scroll DOWN – hover before clicking to see what I say about you ::evil grin::)

    Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CMC, SCAC, MCC
    – ADD Coaching Field co-founder –
    (blogs: ADDandSoMuchMore and ADDerWorld – dot com!)
    “It takes a village to transform a world!”

    • brain injury self rehabilitation (BISR)

      November 20, 2012 at 10:48 pm

      I’m humbled by your kind comments and your TBI section on . I’d love to see what the question is about school performance and brain fitness. Thank you again for adding TBI to your site. I’m sure it’s linked to many things as in ADD. You are helping so many people and we all appreciate it. Edie

      • Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, MCC, SCAC

        November 22, 2012 at 12:00 pm

        His question was merely, “How much do you know about the link between . . .” (He’s a Ph.D. with some neuro-background and some kind of education focus – like I said, he’s a new LinkedIn “connect to me” — I’m guessing he was mostly wondering if there would be any value to linking his stuff to mine, but I haven’t had time to visit his site to know for sure.

        IN ANY CASE, I wanted to make sure he was aware of you, your site, and your links, since most sports coaches are not aware of the high probability of long-term damage from their players’ repeated head injuries. THAT’s a piece our education community needs to track!!

        Thanks for the endorsement – I wish I could do SO much more – as I’m sure you do as well. Those of us who make it up our mountains [AT ALL!] who make it a point to reach down to help those still climbing are so BLESSED to have been let in on a secret that seems to allude many: there is *nothing* more healing than helping another avoid pain and frustration you could not.

        I only wish there were more hours in my day (or I had a staff of elves to help out, or something – oops, wrong holiday!)

        And NOW – my hair needs some *serious* attention or I will be MORTIFIED at the Turkey-Day table!

        mgh — Have a generous helping of pumpkin pie for ME (and put some whipped cream on it, will ya’?)

      • brain injury self rehabilitation (BISR)

        November 22, 2012 at 10:45 pm

        We definitely should help with the repeated injuries causing lasting permanent damage and help protect those in sports. They don’t want a brain that doesn’t function. It’s not how good the brain looks on MRI or CAT Scan, it’s how good it functions!

        If I can help one person avoid the pain, suffering and frustration (and many other words I’d like to say!) I will. I never want another human being or animal to go through this. You’re right, I wish I had more energy, and more hours to help.

        I’ll take some elves to help out!

        Blessings, I’ve had enough to eat for the month! My friends brought the best Cranberry Compose. Made easy: open cans and chill. 2 cans whole cranberries, 2 cans mandarine oranges, 1 can pineapple, fresh grapes, walnuts, a little sugar & lemon and I’m not sure what else. Refrigerate. Good stuff!

        Take care and stay safe, Edie

      • Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, MCC, SCAC

        November 23, 2012 at 11:08 am

        Yea – I awoke STILL stuffed! Hostess Caroline is an amazing cook, *always* makes enough food for two full Regiments, so the least I could do was chow down heartily, right? And I DID! Peggy’s ex-husband Rob makes his own high-octane red wine and brought a GALLON, so I had to do my part there as well.

        Will we ever need to eat AGAIN? So grateful — wish I could share with those who are hungry ala Mother Theresa, but we each must endeaver to do what we can and what we’re Called to do, right?

        I don’t like pineapple and it doesn’t like me, but the rest of the cranberry recipe sounds super.

        My favorite cranberry thing (when I host) is a recipe I got from one of my all-time favorite cookbooks, The Vegeterian Epicure – Cumberland Cranberry Sauce, I think she calls it. I take shortcuts that would probably make the author shudder, however, including starting with canned whole berry cranberry sauce. It has oranges too – and mustard, which is amazingly effective! Cook first, then refridge.

        So good that even folks who don’t normally like cranberry sauce think it’s wonderful – never met anyone who didn’t like it.

        Waddling off now.

      • brain injury self rehabilitation (BISR)

        November 24, 2012 at 9:31 pm

        Yum, your cranberry recipe sounds different but delicious! I’ll have to give it a try. That red wine sounds like something out-of-this-world! It’s really the simple things in life that are fun!

      • Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, MCC, SCAC

        November 22, 2012 at 12:28 pm

        BTW – I have added a tag “TBI help too” and my intention is to remember to so tag any post I believe might be useful for your community – in addition to the other tags. (I blatently ignore WordPress on keeping tags and categories to a minimum – I want people to be able to FIND the content once they get there, SEO be damned!)

        It will take quite a bit of time to go through all the old stuff & edit, but at the bottom of each article (in teeny type) you will find the categories and tags where that article is “filed” – clicking on “TBI help too” will bring up a blog page of partial posts so tagged, newest on top, with enough info that even my ADDers will be able to read enough to recognize if they’ve read it before ;).

        Click thru (heading or “read more” at the end of the excerpt) to get the whole thing, or scroll down to see if you’ve missed anything I’ve added recently (they “file” by post date, not the date I edited the tags).

        ONE MORE THING — I want to feature you as a guest blogger, so write me something, ok?

        And NOW I simply must turn off the computer and RE-color my hair, because I haven’t gotten out all my winter hats yet :D.


      • brain injury self rehabilitation (BISR)

        November 22, 2012 at 10:33 pm

        I’m trying to learn all this but I’m on-board, just falling a little off-board at times! I’m not certain how to do all this stuff, but I’ll get it figured out! I might be getting a bit more help learning this with a physician who may be taking in solely TBI patients, is researching TBI and has a few others also doing research. It was mentioned at another appointment while helping someone. As that person improves with help I’m sure she’ll also be helping out. I will welcome his computer expert in the future.

        In the meantime, I will keep plugging away. I will look at your site and see what you are talking about. When I figure it out, then I will get it to make sense in my mind! Maybe I am senseless!LOL I don’t even know what a “guest blogger” is?

        Did you wear a hat to Thanksgiving or did the Re-Do come out? I’ve been there, but I end up saying oh-well no energy left, I’m going as-is! I do care, but I’ve put up with bad hair dos too many times over that 18 1/2 years because I had no energy to fix the problem. I do pretty well most of the time now! The rest of the time everyone just thinks “I’m stupid”, but I don’t mind it’s “whatever other’s think” that seem important. Because, how would we know what we were talking about?LOL

        Take care and stay safe,

      • Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, MCC, SCAC

        November 23, 2012 at 10:48 am

        WARNING: vapid girl-talk following 😀 !!!!!

        RE: hair vs hat – a bit of BOTH, but I made friends with it in a manner similar to what you describe (thank GOD for the perspective that comes with age).

        Loreal makes great home hair-coloring products, but their foam color, while “neater” and easier to apply (without worrying about dropcloth for drips 😐 ), is apparently NOT for those of us with ANY loss of color (aka “greying”) mixed with dark hair!!!

        Peggy’s Gen Y daughter experienced same, I found out at T-giving, but since hers could really be left alone and nobody else would notice anything different, her “stripes” were more like highlighting. She’ll never use it again either, but Mom Peggy (light brownish hair naturally) swears by it. (Wear your own conversation starter for Turkey Day?)

        The unremitting stress of the past decade turned my hair WHITE *any* place I might part it without a comb-over worse than Trump’s (like male pattern-baldness, “normal” around the parts of my head where those men keep hair) — so I have some serious “root issues” if I choose to remain brunette — which I DO. I just can’t make friends with stripping the rest and going “platinum” — at least not NOW (and probably never).

        Aside: My sister was a blue-eyed blond, I “Black Irish” – dark-eyed brunette/extremely white skin, and we were both happy we got the coloring we did (Mom was a hazel-eyed redhead — go figure!). My hair had been various shades, including blond, for roles during my acting years (wigs), but it never felt like me in the mirror — and I haven’t found ANY other hair shade as attractive (on me) as my quite dark brown/black, which NOW I prefer to keep the color of a Hershey’s chocolate bar. But I digress —

        Unfortunately, I was still “striped” after dedicating the TIME to redo it with “regular” color, despite using the “root application” procedure — but the contrast wasn’t quite as dramatic. I picked my outfit to be able to wear one of my favorite red hats (once I located where I put the hatbox it was in! 😀 — in case I got a sudden attack of teen-aged appearance angst), but ditched in on arrival and was fine about it, *especially* since SERIOUSLY needing a haircut pulled focus lol. (I spent my teen years PRAYING that my hair would grow faster – be careful what you wish for – it now grows like a Chia Pet – practically overnight!!)

        Wish I had the 4 hours back to put somewhere ELSE, however (total – 2 each – not counting the time to find where I’d stored my winter hatboxes – melanoma survivor, despite never being a sun worshipper, so “NO SUN for rest of life” means hats, right? – GREAT excuse to have a BUNCH!).

        Wondering what it will take to remedy the situation going forward, because I would never justify paying several hundred to a pro to fix it, do not look particularly good in a crew-cut, and I’m OVER messing with it myself!!! (Too bad I tossed all my theatre wigs, huh? So much for the “if you haven’t used it in a year you’ll never miss it” theorists!)

        Oddly, it felt REALLY good to focus on my appearance again, since time for Self-care and “personal” life has been in short supply since starting OFI and the ADD Coaching field over 2 decades ago now. I’ve been feeling a bit ragged around the edges of late, especially in contrast to how MUCH focus my 20-year acting career placed on appearance. Had I been happier about the results, I would not be regretting not having the time to use elsewhere.

        So that’s my “sad” story – and if that were the toughest challenge I ever had to face, my life would have been GOLDEN!

        Will respond to your T-day comments eventually, but this one caught my attention FIRST, and now I must move on to a few “to-do list” items that are NOT blog-related.

      • brain injury self rehabilitation (BISR)

        November 24, 2012 at 9:46 pm

        Well, I want you to know I’ve been having other take my pictures today to put surprise Anniversary card I am making my husband. My hair is a different color, depending on the lighting in nearly every picture! I love hats! I better start wearing them, even if they aren’t in style. They will be in style for me…my style!

        Wigs! I bought a couple before I started getting treatment. I didn’t even have energy to fix my hair. It was a quick fix. It worked well! I am laughing at our simple things, because these are daily things that others complain about without having all the other issues … so at least we fall within the “norm” somewhere! Our hair is an issue just like everyone else. We just don’t usually worry about it, because it’s at the bottom of the list!

        I loved this post! It was so fun and lighthearted!

  2. Tanveer Rauf

    November 23, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    Happy thanks giving day dear Edie 🙂 I hope you enjoyed the day
    I appreciate your hard work and sincere effort to educate us

    • brain injury self rehabilitation (BISR)

      November 24, 2012 at 8:54 pm

      I did have a beautiful Thanksgiving Day and thank you for asking. I am grateful every day, so to me every day is Thanksgiving! What holiday do you have that is similar to our Thanksgiving in America?

      • Tanveer Rauf

        November 25, 2012 at 1:25 am

        we dont celebrate thanksgiving like this because we often and frequently meet our families. two very especial days are EID. one comes after the month of Ramazan (month of fasting) and the other is in remembrance of prophet Abraham during sacred days of Hajj pilgrimage

      • brain injury self rehabilitation (BISR)

        November 25, 2012 at 6:57 am

        Thanks for educating and reminding of the holidays. I can always use more information on other cultures and religions. I’m happy to know you see family often and frequently. For many reasons people don’t see family. The people I stay in contact live anywhere from 2100 miles to 3000 miles away. That’s a week of driving or a very long airplane ride. Usually jobs and education take people to another area in the country. Thank goodness everyone is just a telephone call away.

      • Tanveer Rauf

        November 25, 2012 at 10:59 am

        You are right that distance is a big hurdle to meet loved ones. and for this thanksgiving at least provides a chance to meet 🙂 my nephews are in USA. they also live far away from each other so they also met on thanksgiving this year and every year. I was there with them in 1999 on this occasion too 🙂

      • brain injury self rehabilitation (BISR)

        November 27, 2012 at 9:22 am

        Where do your nephews live? What did you like and dislike about your visit to USA?

      • Tanveer Rauf

        November 28, 2012 at 3:40 am

        I’m sorry for late reply Edie dear. actually my computer crashed so I was out of this global technical world for 2 ,3 days:) i liked the system there. very organized. but what i disliked is that it looks like living like robots. no one is concerned about each other. too much freedom creates distances. i hope you dont mind. i visited 7 states 🙂 my nephew is a doctor. he is in Boston. his wife is Irish and shes a nurse. but now having 4 children she only goes twice a week to work. shes a very nice lady

      • brain injury self rehabilitation (BISR)

        November 28, 2012 at 8:13 am

        I always appreciate honesty. I can see what you mean by “robots”. Closeness is difficult but it does happen, albeit different from other countries. Cultural differences vary from coast-to-coast in the states. Did you stay on the East Coast? Did you find states vary from state-to-state as though one were traveling from country to country. Even traffic laws vary. We just don’t need a passport from state-to-state!LOL 🙂

        If within our population the vast majority would sincerely care our world would be a better place! Maybe it’s my perception that others don’t get involved or just don’t learn the value of life! Values are not as prominent as other cultures, and that’s very sad!

        Still, I’ve met people who are trying to change the world, and it’s what will eventually help make change. My physician is from India and he’s the most amazing person we’ve met in healthcare over the past 2 decades. It’s because of his caring, concern, morals, and values that gave me my life back after searching for treatment 18 1/2 years! TBI isn’t really a mystery, it’s about helping others recover. Recovery does happen, and I’m proof!

      • Tanveer Rauf

        November 28, 2012 at 10:44 pm

        I fully agree with you:) i stayed in Boston for a fortnight and found Michelle, my nephews wife a great host. then I stayed in NY, NJ, Florida, Long Island Connecticut and went to Washington DC, for sight seeing only. the people i mostly met were Pakistanis. All of them were very hospitable and kind. what i was most impressed is the refined and civilized behavior of Americans. their exchange of smiles was very warm and decent. though very brief words but very kind. i had an american net friend for years. she invited me to her home in California but it was too far so i couldn’t manage to go and see her. Friends are friends—-very valuable selfless and caring 🙂 Isn’t it Edie:) like you 🙂

      • brain injury self rehabilitation (BISR)

        November 29, 2012 at 10:44 pm

        You are very sweet. Yes, friends are friends and valuable to our health regardless of culture or distance. I’ll be waiting for your visit when you come back to America! I’m sorry you didn’t get to see your friend in California. People don’t realize how far it is from East Coast to West Coast. You are invited and I do hope we have that opportunity. You saw quite quite a bit. Many Americans never get out of their own state. I haven’t visited all 50 states yet, but now that I’m doing better hope to visit areas I have not been. Take care and stay safe, Edie

      • Tanveer Rauf

        November 30, 2012 at 2:03 am

        Thank you FRIEND 🙂 Hope and wish you meet someday. you are welcome in Pakistan . my arms and home is open for you anytime all the time 🙂


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